Read the first-hand experiences of two women
A woman's own story

I am 31 years old and have had two abortions. I came from a Christian home and had always wanted to get married, have children and live happily ever after. As a child, I'd had a very special relationship with my father, who died when I was eight. By the time I was a teenager, I began to look for a man who had the same qualities as my father.

My first pregnancy occurred when I was 22 years old. I never told anyone, not even the father. I was seven weeks pregnant when I had the abortion. I asked God to forgive me for destroying the precious gift of life that He had given me. I told myself that if I didn't think about it that what I did would eventually go away. It didn't.

Some time after my abortion, I started going back to church but slipped back into unhealthy relationships again. By this time, I was experiencing bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts. However, I was still trying to find someone to love me. Finally, when I was 26, I met a young man who was very kind, intelligent and cared for me. Again, I became pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, he said that he wasn't ready to have a child. I became very angry and decided on my own that I didn't want to bring a child into this world by myself. I drove myself to the clinic to have abortion number two.

After the second abortion, I wanted to die. I hated myself for what I had done. I became depressed and began to isolate from people. I gained weight, I didn't care anymore. For seven years, from the time of my first abortion, I lived tormented by my decisions.

Then, one day I heard a woman from Family Life Services speak about a post-abortion recovery program, Hearts at Rest. I called and met with the director of Hearts at Rest. She had a heart of compassion and was genuinely concerned about my inner healing and me. I began the post-abortion support two weeks later.

The facilitators were wonderful, and I was blessed by the love and support of the women in the group. That was three years ago. Today I can honestly say that, although I will always wish my abortions had never happened, I am free from the emotional anguish that filled my life for those seven years. I am at peace.
There I was in an abortion clinic losing my precious child, and I didn't even know what the doctor was doing. I knew that it hurt. Really hurt. I also knew that when it was over, I wasn't going to be pregnant anymore. It wasn't until a few years later that I found out it was a procedure called the "suction method." I was only 15 years old at the time, and no one explained what was going to happen. No one talked to me about it afterward. The only time of closure took place immediately afterward in a room full of other women who had just gone through what I had. Some were weeping, and some just sat and stared. I was one of the weepers.

I really did not want to lose my baby, but my mother thought it would be best. So it was over and done, and I felt very bad. Several years later I became very depressed, even suicidal, but I didn't understand why. I certainly had not associated it with the abortion.

I married at 22 and, by the age of 36 had four beautiful children whom I loved with all my heart, but I couldn't fully bond with them, and I didn't understand why. I thought the abortion was resolved. Gradually, however, the deep and heavy issues began to surface.

One day I found myself lying on the floor sobbing, begging for healing. I picked up the newspaper to look for a support group for post-abortive women. There was only one group listed. It was through Family Life Services' post-abortion program, Hearts at Rest. I called that day.

Through the support group and the gifted women who led it, I experienced a deep work of restoration and healing. I was able to deal with issues I didn't even realize were there. I was able to get a release from anger, and forgive. I was able to openly grieve for the loss of my child, which I hadn't realized I needed to do, and finally bring closure. Now when I think of my child, it is no longer with the pain of unresolved grief but with a mother's love and a peaceful heart.